She thought the facade of a happy face would pull her through. Although her husband suggested she seek help, Benson was hesitant to ask for professional assistance. “Of course, I was in denial. There was no way that a strong black woman such as me could be in depression. And even if there was a remote chance that this was true, I kept telling myself that I could handle it on my own. I thought I could do everything,” she says. Trying to manage everything, however, was beginning to take its toll. Benson felt angry about being overworked and undercompensated. She also felt guilty about neglecting her daughters. She became extremely irritable and tired, crying frequently for no apparent reason, and the stress of it all had caused chest pains that were growing more intense.
“My body was throwing out all kinds of signs [both physical and mental] that it was about to break down,” Benson says. “I even had an episode one morning where the whole left side of my body froze, and I couldn’t move any part of it for about three minutes,” she says. “I was beating myself up mentally because I had the twisted perception that because I had not yet made V.P., I was a failure,” says Benson. In August 2001, after being diagnosed with anxiety and depression, she chose to leave her demanding job.
According to Stolz, there are four principles (Control, Ownership, Reach, and Endurance—CORE) that relate to how workers handle adversity, two of which speak specifically to Benson:
Ownership: Step up and do something to make it better. When adversity strikes, how likely and to what degree do you step up to do anything to make it better? Those with a higher AQ have a natural reflex to step up when adversity strikes. Low AQ people tend to deflect responsibility because they may already feel overwhelmed. “For anybody striving to overcome adversity, obviously, focusing on what you can control or influence and taking ownership by stepping up are already resilience-building practices,” says Stoltz.
Reach: Contain the adversity. What can you do to minimize the fallout or maximize the upside of a problem? Embedded in most adversities is some kind of opportunity. High AQ people contain adversity better. They keep it in a box—a bad meeting is a bad meeting, an upset customer is an upset customer. Low AQ people tend to suffer emotional oil spills. They blow it out of proportion, so if something bad happens, ‘there goes my whole day,’ or ‘I’m going to lose my job,’ or ‘my kids will never love me.’ This affects one’s energy. The better you’re able to contain it, the better you are able to deal with it.
“Once I knew that I had made the decision [to leave], I started feeling better,” Benson says. “There was a wonderful peace with my decision. Every day that I have been away from that company, I feel myself getting stronger, healthier, and happier,” she says. Benson used her expertise to start