In the winter of 1997, Terri James got an early morning call bearing the type of news we all dread most: Her mother was dead. And she had killed herself.
As if that wasn’t enough, an ensuing legal battle over her mother’s estate put James at odds with much of her extended family. An only child whose father had died years earlier, she suddenly found herself grieving, angry, and isolated. “It’s hard to imagine a darker time,” James says. “I had no idea how I was going to get through it.”
Two weeks after returning to her job as an assistant vice president at New York City-based financial services firm TIAA-CREF, James realized she was overwhelmed. She decided to take a leave of absence and sought out traditional therapy that included grief counseling for suicide survivors. She also began searching for the foster family she lost when she was adopted at age 4.
James found them and enjoyed a wonderful reunion. It was a blessing, but it also opened emotional doors that had been closed for years. Then one day a close friend sought James’ help with a speech and, impressed by her sense of humor, came up with an idea that would turn her life around.
“The speech dealt with a topic that called for a lot of academic
jargon and legalese,” says James. “It was really dense and dull, and I was trying to help her lighten it up. She thought I had a knack for it, so she signed me up for a class in stand-up comedy writing. My first thought was, ‘There’s no way.'”James soon discovered something we all know: It’s easy to laugh when you feel good. Better yet, it’s easy to feel good when you laugh. But when you’re angry or hurting, laughter is not part of your lexicon. Wallowing in misery may cause more damage than you realize.
The American Association for Therapeutic Humor says one of the things too often missing from our day is a good laugh. A 1996 study of hundreds of adults found happiness to be directly related to humor, not merely to life circumstances. The study reported that those with the ability to laugh are 30% more likely to be happy than those without.
Other studies have linked humor to creativity, productivity, health, and even the physical recovery process. So, it stands to reason that humor can also help turn our mental and spiritual struggles around.
Of course, knowing this and doing something about it are two different things. James, for one, was apprehensive. “I’d only done public speaking on work-related topics,” she says. “Comedy is personal.
You have to reveal yourself, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to do that. Then there’s the whole question of, Am I funny? Comedy to me was [Richard] Pryor, Bill Cosby, Eddie Murphy—not me.”In spite of her misgivings, she went to the class and was immediately hooked. “Somebody else in that class was adopted, and she used it in her comedy in a way that was really touching and funny,” James recalls. “I totally identified with her, and I laughed. That’s what good comedy makes you do.”
James, 40, continued to take comedy workshops after she returned to work. She found that the classes forced her to examine her experiences and her reactions to them. But the exercises also forced her to find the irony, quirks, and humor in even the worst pain, which proved to be extremely helpful. Furthermore, the interaction with others showed her that many people had worse problems than she did.
“Someone once told me that most comedians have a dark side,” says James. “I think that’s true. But they are able to express lots of messed up things in a positive way. They look at life honestly, then sort of flip the script so that things that could make you cry end up making you laugh. Crying can be therapeutic, too, but laughing feels so much better.”
B.E.’s Successpert Speaks:
In his book Attitude Is Everything: 10 Life-Changing Steps to Turning Attitude into Action (HarperCollins; $14.95), Atlanta-based motivational speaker Keith Harrell insists that “a positive attitude is your most priceless possession. To a great extent, it determines the overall quality of your life.”
According to Harrell, attitudes, unlike height or body type, are developed, not predetermined, and can be changed. But the key to such change lies in self-motivation. One of the tools Harrell advises using is humor. “Humor is a very powerful tool in developing a positive outlook in life,” he says. “The more humor and laughter in your life, the less stress you’ll have, which in turn means more positive energy to help you put your attitude into action.”
Harrell notes that there are health benefits to lightening up. “When you laugh, your body’s muscles expand and contract, your circulation increases, and your digestive system improves,” he says. “The body produces endorphins, which facilitate the healing process. I recently read that 15 minutes a day of deep gut laughter is equivalent to five minutes of moderate jogging.”
So, learn to lighten up. It’ll keep you motivated.
How to Infuse Your Life with Laughter
Here are six proven techniques and some top-notch resourcesthat will help you tickle your spirit:
- Surround yourself with funny folks. Everybody needs at least one friend who, when all else fails, makes them howl.
- Go on a laughter hunt. Search your everyday life for bits of joy. Read the comics, not just the newspaper. Laugh out loud at a joke overheard on the elevator.
- Turn your downtime into fun time. Watch a sitcom or variety show instead of a drama. Keep some classic comedy CDs, DVDs, and tapes in your car and travel pack. Pop them in for an unexpected boost.
- Be a clown. Take every (reasonable) opportunity to lighten up and act silly. Whether you’re with your kids, out to lunch with co-workers, or alone, it will feel good to let go.
- Force it. The next time you’re about to cringe, shout, or groan out of embarrassment or frustration, force yourself to laugh. It will totally diffuse the moment.
- Don’t hold back. Don’t cover your mouth or hide your face. When you laugh, throw back your head and laugh with abandon. Just let ‘er rip!
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- Go on a laughter hunt. Search your everyday life for bits of joy. Read the comics, not just the newspaper. Laugh out loud at a joke overheard on the elevator.
Laffirmations: 1,001 Ways to Add Humor to Your Life and Work by Joel Goodman (Health Communications; $8.95)
Serious Laughter: Live a Happier, Healthier, More Productive Life by Yvonne Francine Conte (Amsterdam-Berwick Publishing; $16.95)
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