coach and author of Move Out of Your Own Way. “It’s not between you and that person,†she says. “It’s about you.†And Collier adds that when you atone for the past, “You have the power to say, ‘This happened and I can let it control me for the rest of my life’ or ‘This happened and I’m stronger because of it.’†There’s nothing wrong with apologizing, but keep the following in mind:
Be patient. Even if you’re ready to make amends with someone, they may not be ready to make amends with you. “You have to be prepared for that person to say, ‘I don’t want anything to do with you,’†says psychologist and professional life coach Pamela Everett Thompson. Be clear about your motives. If your expectations are not met this does not stop your journey towards healing and redemption.
Find other avenues for success. When you make a mistake, someone will judge you negatively. Acknowledging and countering their sentiment is part of the process too. When Henderson was released from prison, some prospective employers in the hospitality industry refused to hire him, so he found another entry-point: dishwasher. It wasn’t his first choice, but it got him to where he needed to be.
Be selective about your circle. If you’ve changed your life but others aren’t supportive, “separate yourself from those people,†Collier says. “Eliminate toxic people from your life.†They’ll fall from your circle anyway, as you move forward in bettering your life.