Navigating an Awkward Interview

Paralegal Katerina Canyon walked into a job interview only to be asked if she had a problem with spousal abuse. (She didn’t.)

Etiquette expert Angelo Ellerbee was asked if he was gay during a job interview. (He is, “but it has nothing to do with my job experience,” he says.)

Denise Felder recalls one job interview she spent dodging questions about her dreadlocks and problems in the inner city. (She lives in a suburb.)

“Living in an area without a lot of black folks, I have to choose my battles,” saysFelder, a Minnesota-based job coach. “It’s sometimes difficult to set boundaries without seeming hostile.”

Most interviewers stick to job-related questions. But let’s face it: Some are socially awkward, untrained, rude, or even offensive. If you’re stuck with that interviewer, consider these tips:

Know what’s legal. Some questions aren’t just inappropriate, they’re illegal, said Cheryl Palmer, a Silver Springs, Maryland career coach. Among them are:

–Race and ethnicity (including asking where your parents were born)
–Sexual orientation
–Marital status or the number of children you have;
–Age;
–Political affiliation
–Religion

That means you have a responsibility to avoid these topics as well, Palmer said.

Answer the deeper question. It’s tempting to point out the illegal question, but that’s likely to ruin your chances at the job and send ripples through your career network.  Instead, “answer the question behind the question,” said Palmer.

If the interviewer asks if you are planning to have children, she said, what he probably wants to know is if you’re overloaded with responsibilities already.

“I’m very committed to my career and I don’t have any personal commitments that would interfere with my ability to get the job done,” Palmer suggests as an answer. “That’s all they really need to know. And believe me, even if they didn’t realize a question was inappropriate before, after that answer, they’ll get it.”

Focus. Focus. Focus. Politicians have talking points–so should you, said Ellerbee. Identify the five professional qualities you want to highlight in your interview. If someone comments on your hair or your clothes, find a way to connect it to those points.

“Answer the question but

then get back to what you were talking about,” he said. “If they say, ‘I love your outfit,’ you can say ‘Thank you very much. You know, I went to school for interior design and I guess it translates to my style.’”

Make it an asset. That way, you’re reminding them why you’re there: to get the job.

Make ‘em laugh. When the interviewer asked Ellerbee if he was gay, he didn’t get testy. He made a joke out of it. That disarmed the situation and playfully pointed out that it wasn’t appropriate for the interview.

“Is this a gay job?” he remembers asking. “We both burst out laughing. I got the job.”

Consider the job offer carefully. Ellerbee didn’t take the job. But he decided that after the interview.

“Ask yourself, ‘If the company is this uncouth now, will it get better?’” he said. “‘Is this going to benefit me? Do I need to give it a chance?’ You can only answer that after the interview is over.”

Finishing the interview and handling it professionally could have positive results, Palmer says. Just like storming out could burn bridges, handling it gracefully could build them.

“In my own personal experience, I have interviewed at one place and they determined it wasn’t a good fit for me, but they referred me to a different company,” she says. “That’s happened at least twice in my career.”