Dear Mom,
I love you and miss you deeply.
Although it’s been a few weeks since you’ve passed, I can still feel your powerful presence in my life. I find that I still reach for the phone to make my daily call to you. I could always rely on your valuable insight, unwavering guidance, uplifting words of encouragement, as well as a good laugh or two. Those conversations were always the highlight of my day.
When I think about you I can’t help but reflect on how remarkable you were. I know everyone says their mother is special, but your contributions to our family, friends, colleagues, and society made our world a better place. I truly believe our world has been significantly diminished without you in it.
You were the anchor of our family. Although you had to contend with a testosterone-charged home with four alpha males, you ruled our household; we all knew you were clearly in charge and had the final word. It was your combination of common sense, compassion, and tough love that kept our family together. It was you who enabled Dad to achieve his vision when so many others scoffed at his dreams. It was you who instilled in my brothers and me–and, by extension, your daughters-in-law and grandchildren–the confidence to view the world as one of limitless opportunities and the belief that through education and preparation we could pursue and attain any goal our hearts desired. Dad always said that you set the moral compass for our family. And he was right.
Your words and example have given me so many priceless lessons about business and life.
You taught me the value of having a true life partner. Growing up in our household, my brothers and I were fortunate enough to witness a relationship of love, respect, and shared values that spanned more than a half century. It is so rare today to find a couple whose worlds are in the same orbit and whose most precious moments of the day are times spent with one another. And although you told me many times you would have been content to just manage a household and raise three rambunctious boys, you did that while helping Dad grow Black Enterprise from an idea of a newsletter into a flourishing, multigenerational media company. You were always willing to play any role–editorial director, circulation director, general manager, CFO–and as such you were his most dedicated worker, strongest ally, and best adviser.
Through it all, you were still Mom–our protector, our disciplinarian, our teacher. Although we grew up
as beneficiaries of the business and financial success of black enterprise, you drilled in us the values of hard work and responsibility. Even though you met and spent time with some of the world’s most powerful and wealthiest people, you never lost your humble, Brooklyn roots. You never defined yourself through material possessions, enjoying tooling around in your PT Cruiser instead of the latest luxury model or feeling just as comfortable flying coach as you did in first class. Growing up, we would often ask you where we had placed a pair of sneakers or one of our sweaters and you’d quickly quip “If you only had one, then you’d never lose it.†And over the past decade, much to my father’s chagrin, you instituted a no-gift rule at Christmas demonstrating to us the lasting value of a simple handwritten card.You taught us to “earn everything you deserve,†that there are no shortcuts in life, and there’s a right way and wrong way to do everything. That principle was demonstrated in your focus on our education, in which you made sure my brothers and I correctly pronounced every word or directed us to solve problems by deconstructing a challenge and then figuring out a solution. You told me if I took the correct course–avoiding superficial schemes–and had a willingness to sacrifice, then I would emerge a more enriched person. You were so right. Your lesson has gained even greater resonance as I manage our company through a turbulent business environment.
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You gave us all the gift of confidence, an ability to “go with your gut.†I use that advice every day as a CEO and a parent. It was uncanny how you could size up an individual after a moment’s observation–and each time you would be spot on. It was as if you had this sixth sense about whether someone was trustworthy, shallow, brilliant, or honest. Spending those valuable hours with you helped sharpen my judgment and evaluation of people and situations.
Sometimes you simply amazed me with your generosity of spirit and commitment to
the development of young people. During your Homecoming Service, we were all brought to tears when Erica Holland, a young woman who recently graduated from the University of Pennsylvania, recounted your special relationship. She told us of the chance meeting when you were honored at an event and how you took the time to let her share her life story as well as her goals and aspirations. She found in you a valuable mentor who, during the course of her college years, would regularly write or call her to check on her progress, give her a boost during challenging times, and provide significant financial support. Erica was so moved by your kindness, caring, and friendship that she kept all 34 letters you wrote her over the past few years. It shouldn’t surprise me that your dedication to uplifting those in need drove you to help a perfect stranger and, in this case, enabled Erica to achieve her dream of attending law school. You always found time to become involved in the lives of young people, eager to help them reach their full potential whether they were your sons, your grandchildren, our friends, company employees, the female executives and entrepreneurs you counseled and inspired at the Women of Power Summit you co-founded, or the young people at risk you helped gain an education through our family’s B.R.I.D.G.E. Foundation. I sincerely get it, Mom: To whom much is given, much is required.I believe your most powerful lesson was one of courage. It was painful for all of us to hear that
you had been stricken with gallbladder cancer three years ago. Through this period, however, I drew from your strength, determination, and upbeat attitude as you valiantly fought the disease. You never once held a pity party, made others feel uncomfortable in your presence, or let cancer rob you of your spirit. In fact, you remained that strong, vibrant woman that I had known all of my life. You still kept your infectious laugh. You still pursued activities to lift the less fortunate. You still nurtured and inspired me, my brothers, your grandchildren, and countless others. And you were still Dad’s dynamic partner and best friend.You showed me that regardless of circumstance you can rise above any adversity. Your fortitude has always been a motivational force in my life–and it is more so today.
Although I often wish I had many more years to spend with you, I count my blessings every day that we had the opportunity to have had such a wonderful, loving mother who took pride in sacrificing herself for our benefit. You gave Johnny, Michael and me exactly what we needed to be strong men who can play a significant role in this unpredictable world. Your lasting lesson of unconditional love for your children is one that we all embrace as fathers guiding our children to become productive citizens and responsible adults.
Mom, although you have passed to a better place, you will forever be in my heart each moment of every day. I promise to ensure that your legacy endures.
My love always,
Butch