Lost Sons: The Search for Masculine Identity (Shambhala; $19.95), and log on to www.fathers.com and www.dadi.org.
B.E. SUCCESSPERT SPEAKS
Author Jonetta Rose Barras offers these pearls of wisdom on how to heal the wounds of fatherlessness:
Admit that it’s an issue. Many of us have gone through life pretending we didn’t need a father. Let’s just face the truth and admit that it hurt growing up without one.
Recognize the impact. Do an internal survey of your life. Say, “Here’s how I think it [my father not being there] affected me.” With men, it affects their relationships with women-in terms of knowing how to be men. With women, it’s “How do I identify a decent man?”
Decide if you want to reconcile with your father. Develop a plan. Will you call, write, or visit him? [Express] what his absence has meant to you. Have consistent, non-threatening conversations with him to regain or reestablish trust and to bond.
Reconcile with a deceased father, or bring closure if both parties are not interested in recommitting. Write down episodes related to the father’s absence that are inconsequential. Put them in a container where they can be burned. There is a wholeness that comes from the physical expression of ridding our lives of negativity.