Kathy Slaughter often wakes up in the middle of the night, thinking off all of the what-ifs that could occur once her daughter Allison, 18, starts her freshman year of college at Stanford University next month.
What if Allison ends up disliking the school or needs something? Or what is she becomes sick and Slaughter, who lives in Evanston, Ill., is too far away to help? These are just a couple of the scenarios she entertains.
“I think about it all of the time, and I feel much stress any time I think that she’s going so far away,” Slaughter admits. “There’s no way I could get to her in a hurry if I needed to. It would literally take half a day and a whole lot of money,” she says, adding that Allison is her youngest child, and that her leaving means she and her husband will now be empty nesters.
Slaughter may sound like an overprotective parent, but the separation anxiety she’s experiencing is very common. Dr. Janet Sallo Joyce, a
Boulder, Colorado-based clinical psychologist, says separation anxiety is mostly based on fears of letting go of someone vital in your life, as well as fears about what types of changes will occur as a result of that transition. When it comes to children going away for school, sometimes it’s parents who have a harder time adjusting, she says. In other instances it’s students who struggle with it.But, she says, “if the feelings are there, but are manageable and are not negatively impacting relationships, home life or work life, then they probably fall within the category of ‘normal.'”
Dr. Pamela Ellis, a Dayton, Ohio-based educational consultant and founder of Campus Education Strategies, says there are things parents can do ahead of time to get in front of the emotions tied to separation anxiety. She recommends families visit the campus prior to enrollment and get a sense of the layout and the student’s classes and daily schedule.
Ellis also recommends parents make connections with any administrators, faculty or other people in the community who are
near the campus, and seek out family members or other people within their professional networks who are in the area and establish those relationships with the students, steps Slaughter has taken with her daughter at Stanford.“That’s important from the standpoint of the student having another adult resource there and helps with the transition process because often time when students start they may not know anyone else other than other students or people in the dorm,†says Ellis, also recommends the book Letting Go: A Parent’s Guide to Today’s College Experience, (Adler & Adler) as a resource for parents.
Even with the excitement surrounding their new-found freedom, some students will have challenges making new friends, living in small accommodations with a stranger and facing the pressures of academic life, which could trigger depression.
A study published in January by the American Journal of Orthopsychiatry reports that roughly 25% of students visiting on-campus health clinics were diagnosed with depression. Â Depression warning signs include increased anger or agitation, sudden changes in the number of times the student calls home, a sudden decline in grades, any kind of talk of suicide or of giving away personal possessions and excessive drinking or drug use, Dr. Joyce says.
Joyce also warns that African American students attending institutions where they are the minority may experience more social isolation and are more prone to depression than white students.
“There can be additional pressures that these students experience such as feeling like an ‘ambassador’ or feeling pressure to try to fit in. Sometimes Black male students feel that in order to fit in and to not ‘seem intimidating’ to white students, they can’t really be themselves,†Joyce says, adding this can increase their already existing stresses and can potentially cause an increase in anxiety and depression.
But getting African American students to open up about depression is a whole other animal.
“With black students, it’s a little different and more nuanced because generally we may suffer depression. But talking about it and seeking out services has always been a little different than other populations because it’s always been a little taboo in our community,†says Ellis.
Dr. Joyce says one of the crucial things for parents and students to remember is to keep the lines of communication open, and create an environment where both feel safe to express their feelings of fear, sadness or anxiety. “I always encourage students and parents to talk openly about feelings of depression, and to never overlook talk of suicide. Often people have the idea that talking about suicide will give someone the idea to do it, but this is not the case,†she says.
Students experiencing any symptoms of depression are encouraged to seek professional support by visiting the on-campus student health center, which usually includes a mental health department, or a qualified professional in the community.
If you or someone you know is experiencing depression, there’s help. Please contact one of the resources below for assistance.
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE
National Suicide Prevention Helpline: 1-800-273-TALK
National Adolescent Suicide Hotline: 1-800-621-4000
NDMDA Depression Hotline: 1-800-826-3632
Crisis Help Line: 1-800-233-4357